It was 2pm and he himself had just got up from a heavy night of partying with people he had never met. He was still dazed and bruised from all the heroine he had shot up his arms from the past 3 days.
He thanked the woman who brought his son to him. In complete shock and sadness he sat down on the littered floor of his council studio flat, barely holding on to this baby boy, he started to cry and panic. He didn’t know what the hell he was going to do!
What was he Frank a black man with no real family, hardly any money, married to drugs, who hated his own existence was going to do with this baby!
He spent an hour walking up and down the small studio flat thinking of what to do. He then decided he couldn’t keep this child and would dump the boy outside his nearest A&E. And that was precisely what he did.
Frank’s life continued at a fast, maddening downward spiral after that. There was a constant abuse of drugs, alcohol and self loathing. Never a day goes by he doesn’t think of his son but he had no way of ever contacting or finding the boy. All He could do was try to forget.
He hit 55 when he found out he had terminal lung cancer and had about a year to live.
This news shocked him into cleaning up his self abusive act. About 3 months later there was a knock at his door, when he opened the door he was met with a tall, well dressed and anxious black man. For a second he wondered if it was one of those debt collectors he was avoiding.
The man just blurted out “Hi Frank, I am your son” in a somewhat angry but calm tone.
Frank was shocked but the way his life has been going didn’t leave him that surprised. He did hope this day would come but never really imagined it would, afterall nothing else worked out for him in life.
They talked, cried, hugged, shouted and talked some more. Frank broke the news about his illness and Anthony his son decided there and then that his father must come and live with him. So they left and went to Anthony’s 5 bedroom town house in Notting Hill.
The next few weeks were a mixture of sharing stories, sadness, hope, tears and anger. Anthony, his wife and two sons did thier best to just enjoy the last few months they had with him.
Anthony had so much love for the man who abandoned him and managed to push past it all in order to forgive his father.
Frank on the otherhand become sadder, more depressed and just couldn’t enjoy his family as he had always dreamed he would.
I understand where Frank is coming from, but he had a choice and he is choosing to see all that was lacking in his life when he had so much to celebrate and enjoy.
My friends life isn’t always fair, intact life can be so cruel that it’ll leave you wondering why you are even alive. It’ll make you question God and allow room for hate, anger and resentment to take you hostage if you allow it to.
Frank would have died alone never knowing his son and his family had Anthony not knocked on his door that day. His exit was inevitable and nothing could have changed that. As heart breaking as it was, this was something he could not escape.
Frank was given such a gift! The opportunity to be surrounded by love and to experience life on such a high before passing on to the next life, but he could not allow himself to accept his gift and enjoy the last moments of his life.
Frank’s decision to allow his negative perception of all that was missing in his life clouded all the love and happiness that was around him untill the day he left his family.
We all have to face some really tough stuff in life. And at times we almost pretend the tough stuff doesn’t exist because who wants to acknowledge all the Franks of this world. No one wants to admit that life has an underworld which we walk through everyday. But it is a reality and if you take time to talk to people around you and asked them about thier suffering, you will see what I am talking about.
Regardless of the pain and suffering we all have to face in our lives we have a choice to make. We can choose to see the silver lining in all things good or bad.
What other choice do we have, other than choose to suffer some more?!
In my opinion negative situations do eventually equal positive, this I will elaborate more in my book.
Understanding that you can choose to look at something differently or see the benefits that could be there is the difference between a life of heavy emotional and mental torture or one of joy and peace.
Your perception is everything. We tend to forget all the good we have going on in our lives and focus too much on what we don’t have. This can lead to missing the bigger picture and not seeing what you are blessed with.
So please take time out to see all the blessings you have right now. Don’t wait till it’s too late.
Much love Sarah Martin xoxo