It’s Sunday evening, I have spent the whole day by myself starting with editing a video and uploading it to my YouTube channel, then taking myself out for a Sunday roast at my local pub, came back home caught up with some emails and then jumped in bed to watch Jane the Virgin on Netflix.
As I’m laying there watching them and the couples in the series as they engage in dating, being passionate etc. I couldn’t help but wish I had my King laying next to me and just being affectionate and intimate with him.
I longed for him even though I have not met him yet but I know what he would feel like and that made the longing deeper.
I’ve experienced lust, love and companionship on some level through my life but there is this specific type of connection I am looking for that I have never experienced.
As I watched Jane and Fabian the guy she is dating being overly affectionate I remembered that it’s exactly how I am. I love to kiss and show my want and love to my guy and I would love to be with someone who wants to do the same.
To be with a guy where you can over compliment, kiss, touch, Love, make love and much more. Where you’re not having to play it safe or hold back for fear of being too much.
Then I went back in the past where when being the affectionate me didn’t work. Where I was made to feel like I was too much, and for a split second my mind raced through scenarios showing how it’ll never happen but I refused to accept it. I decided there and then that HE is out there and I’ll meet him soon.
As positive as I am this kicked me a little hard. I am always the first to say to anyone that they shouldn’t be sad, that it’ll all be okay and their time will come, I have to say that right now I feel lonely.
I messaged my bestie to tell her and she reminded me of what I told her earlier which is, choose yourself and do something nice for you.
At first that made me more sad because I thought well i have no choice but to choose me lol and then I realised I am identifying with something and a situation that isn’t me. It’s just a phase and an event not the rest of my life so why be sad?!
So I’ll detach myself from the wanting, realise that this is my situation right now and to enjoy what I have. When the time is right, Mr right will come into my life.
Until then I am enough 💕
Much love Sarah Martin xoxo