What was that?

Sometimes something or someone rolls into your life like a tornado that you didn’t expect and turns everything upside down.

All of a sudden the things that made sense or the plans you had no longer seem to matter. All of a sudden the rock you thought you had beneath you was just quicksand. Suddenly you’re not as solid as you thought you were!!

It almost feels like an out of body experience. It doesn’t feel nice but you realise and know from past experience that this is life and you have zero choice but to navigate through it as best as you can while keeping your emotional, mental and spiritual sails intact for the next “what was that” moment to come.

How do I feel about this particular storm? Well it’s bitter sweet.

On one hand it’s everything I wish for right now but it doesn’t make me feel good at all. It makes me feel anxious, stressed and suspicious and that can’t be good at all.

But what throws me is the fact that I have to balance out my fears from my past experience versus the actions of what I am facing right now and make sure that my fears are not clouding my judgement. It’s not easy but surely if something is this hard then it’s not meant for me and it’s probably just another lesson. 

I wish it wasn’t another lesson, I wish that for once it would just be a tropical storm in which I can dance in knowing full well that the clouds will part momentarily and I’ll be basking on the glory of the sun. But I don’t think this is the case and it saddens me.

I feel anger that I am not strong enough to stay or stand still as this tornado moves around me. I wish I was stronger or as strong as I thought I was before it came swooping in. I am trying my best to find the right narrative to plant in my head to find the strenght to see it through but it’s proving difficult. 

I feel I have swallowed the poison and it’s in my system and all I can do now is be at the mercy of life. I have to ride it out and hope I can find the right narrative to plant within myself to expel the poison as quickly as possible.

You see I know I am a special being. I am as raw and open as they come and just like a soft flower that manages to grow through the cracks of concrete so it can do what it was created to do and be part of this thing called life, but vulnerable to the world around it, I can easily be trotted on because of where I choose to bloom. 

I never take the easy road because it’s not who I am. I can’t explain why but I am guessing it’s part of my journey, the one I chose before I decided to come and grace this world with my presence.

The crazy and funny thing is I will preach till the cows come home that within any bad situation there is a gift to be claimed and I know this so well it just sucks when it’s you doing the work. But its life and I am grateful that at least I know this and can apply it to my life.

All I can do right now is have compassion, patience, love and respect for myself and forgive myself for all the judgements I will place on myself as I expel this poison. Because I know they will come but I will be ready to love them back to sleep.

I feel so blessed that I know that in order to effectively pass through this lesson I will need me, I will need to connect with myself deeper than I have needed to. I can feel my body calling for the comfort, love, attention of my mind and my soul. I am so grateful that I am able to give this to myself. 

I look forward to sharing my experience and how I feel once I have passed this storm.

Much love Sarah Martin xoxo 

Defining Moments of rebirth!! 

I believe that each defining moment in your life is a form of rebirth and another chance of becoming more  compassionate, loving and kind. Every time you choose to ignore the lessons being taught in each defining moment of your life you will keep experiencing those moments until you allow life to push you through her vagina for your rebirth.

When we are going though very bad times and feel like the world is so mean to us and we can’t find the happiness we need don’t hold on to the walls of her birth canal, instead allow it all and let yourself be pushed through to the other side.

It’s very painful I am not going to lie but if you think about it, what other good choice do you have?
Either stay and suffer because you think you can control the outcome or how you don’t feel or feel everything, have some compassion for yourself and let go.

Having compassion for yourself isn’t something we are thought and we are hardest on ourselves than anyone else. But whatever it is that is going on on your life to make you feel bad, respect the feelings. Don’t run away from them because they are too painful, connect your mind body and soul to the feelings and let your body be the outlet for the feelings by allowing whatever it wants to do to happen.

For example I recently received from awful news before embarking on an hour and half long journey on the motorway. For the first 30 minutes I was in purposeful denial and trying my best to fight feeling sad or anything.
But I realised this was stupid and I wailed and cried so hard for the next hour while driving at 60 miles per hour. I allowed my pain to be expressed rather than hold it in as usual.
Do you know how amazing it feels to cry for yourself and give yourself that kind of compassion you wish you could get from someone else.

It’s amazing and learning to cry for your is the best gift you can give yourself.
Much love

Sarah Martin xoxo 

Money or your life 

I’ve always had a relationship with money thay doesn’t fit into what society would expect from me. I respect what money can do  but I don’t identify with it in a way that most people do. I struggle to charge people anything and prefer if I didn’t have to talk about money at all. I love to do things for people because it makes me happy and because whatever it is I am doing makes me feel alive and part of this world. When I have to think of charging it puts a dampner on things for me. It’s something I am working through right now.

I used to fear not having money and I guess I did have a volatile relationship with it growing up, but I had no choice is how that panned out. It’s been a long time since I’ve feared not having money and I am more relaxed about it.

I don’t identify who I am with money. Whether I have lots or none, and I have experienced both on extreme levels.
I feel like if you don’t live your true purpose then money means nothing and the phrase more money more problems becomes the norm. 

So here I am living my purpose as best as I can and I have to think about the money side and I don’t want to. I really dont. I just want to do what I love and let money just come. That’s my ideal scenario. It almost feels like i am built never to worry or think about money and perhaps I need to honour that instead of trying to become what I am not.

I did wonder whether I have a bad relationship with money hence why not wanting to deal with it and I have sat and thought long and hard about it, but I realised that some of the most amazing moments in my life had nothing to do with money and in fact money could not buy them. It’s made me realise that I don’t have a bad relationship with money rather I society has issues with it. If I decide to let money factor in too much in my purpose in life then it’ll kill my spirit and cloud my creativity, vision and purpose. 

I know that I will be abundantly wealthy and I will use all those billions to help create situations that allow people to have amazing experiences that they didn’t have to pay for. 

It’s all relative and making people happy is what makes me feel alive.

Much love Sarah Martin xoxo 

Alpha

Thank you so much for the reminder yesterday. I feel you running through my veins as a constant reminder that I am loved and of who I am.
I will never feel alone again.
I will never question my existence again.
I will fulfill my destiny.
I will make my dreams for humanity come true.
I will love deeply.
I will feel completely.
I will allow freely.
When I feel the rain on my face I’ll smile cause I know it’s you kissing me.
When I feel the wind blow on me, I will feel safe cause I know it’s you holding me.
When I feel the sun on my face, I will see clearly cause I know it’s you showing me the way.
When I hear the birds chirping, I will feel alive cause I know it’s you singing to me.
You are everywhere and I know that now.
I love you.
@iSarahMartin 

UNTIL THEN I AM ENOUGH 

It’s Sunday evening, I have spent the whole day by myself starting with editing a video and uploading it to my YouTube channel, then taking myself out for a Sunday roast at my local pub, came back home caught up with some emails and then jumped in bed to watch Jane the Virgin on Netflix.

As I’m laying there watching them and the couples in the series as they engage in dating, being passionate etc. I couldn’t help but wish I had my King laying next to me and just being affectionate and intimate with him.
I longed for him even though I have not met him yet but I know what he would feel like and that made the longing deeper.

I’ve experienced lust, love and companionship on some level through my life but there is this specific type of connection I am looking for that I have never experienced.
As I watched Jane and Fabian the guy she is dating being overly affectionate I remembered that it’s exactly how I am. I love to kiss and show my want and love to my guy and I would love to be with someone who wants to do the same.
To be with a guy where you can over compliment, kiss, touch, Love, make love and much more. Where you’re not having to play it safe or hold back for fear of being too much.
Then I went back in the past where when being the affectionate me didn’t work. Where I was made to feel like I was too much, and for a split second my mind raced through scenarios showing how it’ll never happen but I refused to accept it. I decided there and then that HE is out there and I’ll meet him soon.

As positive as I am this kicked me a little hard. I am always the first to say to anyone that they shouldn’t be sad, that it’ll all be okay and their time will come, I have to say that right now I feel lonely.

I messaged my bestie to tell her and she reminded me of what I told her earlier which is, choose yourself and do something nice for you.
At first that made me more sad because I thought well i have no choice but to choose me lol and then I realised I am identifying with something and a situation that isn’t me. It’s just a phase and an event not the rest of my life so why be sad?!

So I’ll detach myself from the wanting, realise that this is my situation right now and to enjoy what I have. When the time is right, Mr right will come into my life.

Until then I am enough 💕

Much love Sarah Martin xoxo

SHE IS NOW MY HE

I have been running my own business for some time now and it’s a self empowerment clothing brand for women which aims to remind women of the power and magic they already posses in order to bring rise to a new type of woman.

The kind of woman who regardless of where or who she is, Beleives in herself and takes control of herself and her life, in her way!

SHE is a way of life and a mentality, I am selling an ideology more than anything.
I really want to see victimless women walking round this planet holding their heads up high and making bold changes in how women are viewed by themselves, each other and by men.

The name of the movement and brand is She Republic http://www.SheRepublic.co.uk.

So for the last 3 years I have been moulding and shaping my purpose with SHE and it hasn’t been easy at all. 

I want to build on what the previous generation of women did with feminism, get away from male bashing, stop self enabling and instead turn how a woman carries herself in this world on its head.

But it has been so so so hard and now that I am in a place where I am in control of my life and myself and I am so focused and ready to smash the hell out of my dreams but I am so stuck. It’s so funny!

I am stuck in terms of my marketing strategy and deciding the best way forward on my 3 year plan for SHE. I have so many ideas and that’s what’s been so hard…. choosing which will be best to lead the next phase and turn this dream that sits on the tip of my tongue into the world changing phenomena that I can feel it is.

I have never felt so stuck and yet so ready to work so hard to make it happen.

People often think the road to success is hard work but I believe that it’s knowing 100% without any doubt what you want.
I am stuck on choosing what I want and making sure I don’t waver on my plans until it is completed.

I recently updated my Facebook status with “What am I not brave enough to do” this is in relation to SHE because I feel I am not being bold enough to do something.
But what has been hard is not knowing the answer as to what I am supposed to be brave and bold about. It feels like a lost memory I am trying to remember.
So it’s not lack of passion, motivation or anything like that but rather I have not yet found the answer I am looking for.

Everyday it feels like I am staring at a huge stack of hay and I am looking for that needle.
It’s so hard!!! Maybe one of the hardest things I’ve had to face in my life!!! And I have been through some crazy shit!

I used to remember the days when I would stress this much about a man or a relationship and never in a million years did I think I could feel this way about my business. SHE has officially become my HE hahaha.

But it’s not negative and I know deep down that what I am to create in terms of strategy is so unique and life changing that I am just at the third trimester of my strategy and I will soon go into labour and give birth to a world changing, moral, fair and beautiful business strategy.

At the moment I spend each waking hour thinking, planning, building and when I need to I scrap it all and start again. Until it’s perfect I will not stop.

I also realise that it’s a process and I cannot rush it.
I can feel exactly what God or the universe is doing and this amnesia I have is for a reason because without it I will not discover this gem to pull the whole plan together.

It is so hard yet fascinating because each day I feel I am getting closer.

I am sharing this with you because I would love to read something like this about another brand owner and see that everything great and worthwhile takes time and has it’s incubation period and that nothing is perfect. I love to be real in a world full of fake crap and major pretenders. It’s just soul destroying to fake anything because you’ll never learn anything and you’ll waste time.

Anyway as much as I feel like screaming every day I am enjoying the process and I can see myself making progress and anytime soon that baby will come out and when it does, I will be on fire!!!!

Much love Sarah Martin xoxo 

What will it take? Ass or Boobs?

These days it feels like unless you have your ass, boobs, abs or torso out when talking about serious issues then no one will take notice of what you’re saying because apparently we live in a superficial world or as I call it living with visual dickheads.
But we are all on some level aroused by vision before substance just because it’s the way we are built but it doesn’t mean we have to be shallow about it all.

Right so someone I know who has put a lot of effort into making a video about animal cruelty got very annoyed that after putting in so much effort into making the video, none of the Facebook friends paid any attention and she stated that she is sure if she had her body out and slapped on a heap of makeup then perhaps people would pay her efforts more attention.
The sad truth is I am sure that she is right on some level but just like her I am sad that in order to effectively share your craft to the masses in this social media world you’re made to feel like unless you’re really selling it with a side of sex appeal then no one will listen.

But I also have to disagree with that train of thought and point out that there are many men and women who are doing great things in this world without having to use sex appeal to succeed. Now I am not saying don’t do it but that if you don’t wish to then don’t feel you have to.

You can be heard and seen by the masses if you allow your inner light to shine. By doing so you will actually attract the very people who will understand what you’re trying to achieve and who are more likely to suport it.
Let’s be honest you cannot sell a diamond in a coal market which is what you’ll be trying to do by wanting the masses who are superficial to partake on your endeavours, they don’t care!
Not because they don’t have a heart or wish to care but because they are lost within their pain and their ego is running the show.

The ego’s only purpose in life is to be fed by praise, likes and whatever else it needs to feel inflated. Now let me be clear I am by no means bashing superficial people but instead I am saying it’s just the way it is and until they wake up in their own time they have the right to make themselves happy in whatever means available to them. (I will touch on this another time).

So if you are trying to push a serious and worldly topic on people who are self absorbed it’s not going to happen and by feeling the need to sell it to them by packaging it with some sex appeal isn’t really going to help your cause.
Your body will be admired and you’ll get many likes for the wrong reasons.

Therefore you do not have to compromise your  moral code in order to sell your message to the wrong crowd. It defeats the purpose and you’ll be wasting your time.
Instead tune in with your authentic self and do whatever it is that you wish to do for yourself more than anyone else and you’ll find the right audience.

Before you know it you’ll be selling your diamonds in a diamond market where it’ll be appreciated. This analogy applies to all aspects of life. #KnowYourAudience 

Much love Sarah Martin xoxo